for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize