She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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