I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
