TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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