Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
