Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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