just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
