Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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