Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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