Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
