I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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