went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
