Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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