it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
