I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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