youre lurking in front of me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
