I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
