I don't think brook has ever known best
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
