I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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