i permit you to call me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
