don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
