You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
sarcasm needs its own font
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
