put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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