I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
