Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
