Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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