youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
