omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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