Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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