Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
