Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
