Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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