What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
