We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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