Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
