Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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