i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
