She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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