how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
