I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
