I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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