So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
