I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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