I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
