i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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