I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
