Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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