four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
