Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
