Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
