just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
