Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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