She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
