3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just had sex on a roof
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
